This awful beautiful life!!
So that is the end of my first job in many years. What a disaster! I will look again when my nerves are more prepared. I found out today that the law does not protect our children. How can we as their caregivers be unreachable in an emergency, or have their sicknesses held against us. We have children who require special care but we also have to work. Now I am just so nervous about going out there to work. The unbeleiveable attitude towards people with diabetes is horrible. I always feel like I am being judged that we somehow caused this. With all the hype about children getting type 2 from poor diets and exercise, ignorant people think this is the same. So there is no compassion at all.
Then speaking of no compassion Dave went to the VA today. You have to know that they pushed him out still broken. His hand surgery failed which they knew amidst the process and they told him that he would have to get it fixed by the VA because they would not stop the MEB. So he has a broken hand that needs surgery. Then his back is so bad he is on morphine for the back pain and the hand pain. He gets referred to the hand specialist over 3 weeks ago. They have the referral but haven't even looked at it yet to call him for an appointment. Then he asks about what more they can do for his back. NOTHING. They never sent him to a neurologist or exhausted all treatments but as far as they are concerned they won't do anymore. Unfuckingbelieveable. I am so stressed out I can't describle it in words. I just want to run away somewhere. But we can't afford to. I am thankful that I have lots of supplies for Carylanne on hand and that we have medical until Sept. I just want to be able to settle into civilian life and find jobs we can manage and take care of our girls. This just totally sucks!!! NOw onto a lighter better note......
We got carylanne's latest HBA1c last week. Mind you this is from Dec to March and includes all of our trip and leaving our home etc.
7.2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could have screamed it from the highest mountain! We thought for sure it would suck because of all the stress and change for us all. But it was great. I have found a good way to keep her numbers down these days. walking around Disney. She gets alot of exercise and it is keeping her numbers in great range.
Next I have a bit of humor I just have to relate after all my ranting and raving.... I warn you to not read this with anything in your mouth as you may choke or have milk/wine/soda shoot out your nose!!! Ok here it goes...
Last night well after the girls are in bed, Dave and I were in bed. Not exactly sleeping. So right in the middle or rather nearing the end we suddenly hear
"I can't sleep"
Not from the door oh my $%^$$% word Carylanne is standing right next to us. Dad's butt in the air moaning groaning etc etc (not to be too explicit but you have to really picture the scene to understand my sheer mortification right now). She practically tapped him on the shoulder. He jumps off into the bed and we grab for the sheets.
"Go into your room I will be right there"
She sleepily hobbles back to her room. Now I don't even want to face her. What is she going to ask/say. The girls know about sex. In fact due to their precociousness they know a lot. First they asked too much last year when we learned anatomy. Then my neighbor thought having 5 kids in 4 years would be great. That brought up too many questions from the girls.
"MOmmy if Mr Ben can't afford to have more kids why do they have sex to make one?"
(ok I had todl them that people have sex when they are married to have a child. They thought after that there is no more reason to have sex. NOw I am backed into a corner. truth or make up a stork story quick. I go for truth.
"Married couples have sex because it is a special gift from God. Sometimes that gift does produce a baby and that is one of the resons why God made this a special time etc) "
So she comes out with
"well you and dad aren't having any more kids"
"Well yes honey but..." Then the light pops on
"oh gross you and daddy still have sex!!!"
"It's not gross and most married couples have sex at least some of the time. But its a private matter that we don't discuss or ask about."
Another light pops on
"Grandma and Grandpa too!!"
Mortifiction speads over her and her sister's faces. That night when dave comes home from work Christianne, my forever ballbuster goes up to him and says,
"I know your little secret" then she runs down the hall giggling. Dave wanted to eat by himself because he felt he was being stared at all night.
So now we are faced with totally being caught. I am dying at haviong to answer questions etc. First i ask Dave the obvious question 'Why didn't you lock the door????" I go into her room. Tell her it is rude to barge into our room. I tell her to hug Ruby and go to sleep. She is out in 3 minutes. Was she sleep walking??? Will she remember what she saw??? Jump to this morning. No mention of anything. No remarks from little sister which would tell me she does remember and just told Christi. Christianne would not have resisted saying something. Tonight she can't sleep again. Only this time i am typing. This time I tell her not again like barging in last night.
"mom I'm sorry I must have been confused. All I remember is standing next to you adn having you tell me to go back to bed"
Oh my God she is so traumatized she's going to end up on Dr. Phil someday!!!!! I am buying a lock for the door this weekend and a cow bell for theirs!!!
What a week. I need a good drink. Only don't tell my girls I could go for a "sex on the beach"!!!!