Butterfly Kisses & Bedtime Prayers

"Butterfly Kisses after bedtime prayer. Stickn' little white flowers all up in her hair. Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right. To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night". *** For parents of children with diabetes and adults who are living with Type 1 diabetes. We are looking to share stories, ideas, concerns, and laughter.***

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Heigh-ho it's off to work I go but I am not one of the dwarfs!

I think I am at the breaking point of stress. Oh I thought the move and traveling was going to be tough. But it is nothing compared to starting a new life with 1.) a disabled husband and 2.) child with diabetes. Not to mention poor Christianne who must not be forgotten. First off and I must stress this highly THE ARMY DOES NOT MAKE ANY OF THIS EASY! that screamed into the dark night (and yet I still don't feel better). Dave got his last paycheck on March 1st. This was not his last day of pay mind you. Oh no, they take his last 12 days of work (he ETS'd on March 12), his 60 days leave they owe us, his severence pay and other misc entitlements and lump it all into one pay. But when will we actually see this cash??? The next full moon perhaps. Or maybe when Bush is out of office??? Haven't seen a dime yet. If it weren't for me getting our taxes done PDQ we'd have nothing to live off of. Then he is entitled to file unemployment. Great. One week waiting period but at least some money coming in while he looks for a job. (insert sarcasm here that will later be explained). We get a notice today that unemployment is right now denied until THE MILITARY GETS AROUND TO REPORTING HIS F'ING EARNINGS FROM THE QUARTER IN QUESTION! Yep that's right, they don't have to do things like everyone else. So we are told that it takes 14 days or more for the military to do their job once it's requested. So in the meantime we get nothing until they get off their royal keisters.

NOw the job quest. What can a man with no use of his right hand, a bad back (s0 bad he takes morphine) and walks with a cane do??? Every job either involves lifting, sorry can't do any of that, or use of your dominant hand. Oh boy the army doctors screwed that up, said a really heartfelt WHOOPSS and sent him on his way. Then there is trying to get the VA to actually fix some of the problem. You could light dynamite into the VA system and it still wouldn't move any faster!! I am not blaming individuals BUT we have run into some of the most indifferent, callous, misinforming individuals I have ever met. barring of course Army personnel. The old saying in the army is F' up move up! So here I wait for our travel reimbursement. Not like it didn't cost us $$$ to travel back to where the army took us from. Then the $$$ they army offered us to take the discharge and go away. It is meant for us to live on until they get off their asses and decide gee I think we better process this claim for pension some time before the person dies! He finally has an appointment with the Orthopedics specialist next week to talk about his hand. I am not getting my hopes up that this will be the doctor he needs to see to schedule his surgery. That would be too easy. I estimate it will take at least 2 more referrals to get him to someone that can try to repair the mess they made at Tripler. We've been told the repair may be removing the bones. This means way less movement but no more pain. I opt for this but Dave wants to try one more bone fusion. Not my call. Maybe after all that (which may take a year) they can look into any other treatments for his back. The military and consequently the VA take care of 1 thing at a time.

I am so stressed out. Stressed just doesn't describe it best though. I have just had enough. Carylanne's numbers have been all over the place this past month. I increased her basals and we are doing a bit better. She is in another growth spurt. We go to the new pediatrician next Friday. Then I have to get her in to a new endo. I hate starting over with new doctors. You never know how they are going to be. I am not the type that writes down every blessed thing. If she gets sick I start keeping records in case we end up at the hospital but day to day is not for us. She uses a freestyle and we download the meter to check for trends and problems etc. I know her HBA1C is going to suck this time. Too much change and turmoil. We are trying to get back to school but its not the same with Dad around. They are easily distracted.

Now above everything else I have to go back to work. I know that for many of you who are working mothers you may not understand this total stress and anxiety I have about this. It's just that I have not worked in 6 years and not since Carylanne was diagnosed. I am not going back for a sense of freedom or need for satisfaction. Its not the job I dreamed of getting when we returned to Florida. I had said if I have to work at least I can go to Disney where I will be happy at work. But Disney is too far away right now. When I chose this apartment I screwed up. Its a nice place but 40 miles away from Disney. I couldn't drive all that way right now. Plus gas prices are soaring. It is purely economical. I need to work nights. 6 pm and later. So I got a job at Wal-Mart. Less than 5 mns from the house. I wanted to be close "just in case" plus less traveling means less time away. I just hate the idea of not having my freedom and having to miss times with the girls that I should be there. I know I will have to work on holidays and other special occassions. I know I can't have them all off. I just will miss my family a whole lot and I'm not too sure about dad's patience with them while I am gone. I guess I have to hold my breath and pray for the best. I am so angry at the army for leaving him like this. OUr lives have changed so much and its kind of hard to swallow some days. All the rules have changed. I was suppsed to stay home and raise the girls. He would work. Sometimes I would think maybe I need to get a part-time job so I can feel like I make some money of my own. etc. But I never would have really ventured out and got one. Now that reality has hit and I have to work I hate the idea with a passion. I must say that the manger made the job sound pretty good and believe it or not they pay pretty well. Above minimum wage even. NOt bad benefits for part-timers but a job away from my family none-the-less. When I get some time I am going to write letters. One to our Congressman and one to a news show. They may not care. Maybe, hopefully they will care what our military services are doing to the veterans. We are not the only ones gettign the run-a-round.

Well time to try to get some much needed sleep. Another day dawns by 8.


  • At 4:15 AM HST, Blogger Penny said…

    I'm so sorry. I know where you're coming from with the job situation. I now work 3 days a week, but because of financial reasons, I put in a request to go to 4 days a week. I cried when I put in the request. I know it seems whiny because there are plenty of moms out there who work way more than that. But, the thought of being away from my kids more just upsets me.

    I hope things get better for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  • At 5:26 AM HST, Blogger Shannon said…

    I'm so sorry you're going through so much stress right now.

    Hopefully when everything gets rolling with your husband's Dr visit and your job start, things will gain a better perspective.

    Hang in there. I'm here if you ever want to talk. Email me anytime :)


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