Heigh-ho it's off to work I go but I am not one of the dwarfs!
NOw the job quest. What can a man with no use of his right hand, a bad back (s0 bad he takes morphine) and walks with a cane do??? Every job either involves lifting, sorry can't do any of that, or use of your dominant hand. Oh boy the army doctors screwed that up, said a really heartfelt WHOOPSS and sent him on his way. Then there is trying to get the VA to actually fix some of the problem. You could light dynamite into the VA system and it still wouldn't move any faster!! I am not blaming individuals BUT we have run into some of the most indifferent, callous, misinforming individuals I have ever met. barring of course Army personnel. The old saying in the army is F' up move up! So here I wait for our travel reimbursement. Not like it didn't cost us $$$ to travel back to where the army took us from. Then the $$$ they army offered us to take the discharge and go away. It is meant for us to live on until they get off their asses and decide gee I think we better process this claim for pension some time before the person dies! He finally has an appointment with the Orthopedics specialist next week to talk about his hand. I am not getting my hopes up that this will be the doctor he needs to see to schedule his surgery. That would be too easy. I estimate it will take at least 2 more referrals to get him to someone that can try to repair the mess they made at Tripler. We've been told the repair may be removing the bones. This means way less movement but no more pain. I opt for this but Dave wants to try one more bone fusion. Not my call. Maybe after all that (which may take a year) they can look into any other treatments for his back. The military and consequently the VA take care of 1 thing at a time.
I am so stressed out. Stressed just doesn't describe it best though. I have just had enough. Carylanne's numbers have been all over the place this past month. I increased her basals and we are doing a bit better. She is in another growth spurt. We go to the new pediatrician next Friday. Then I have to get her in to a new endo. I hate starting over with new doctors. You never know how they are going to be. I am not the type that writes down every blessed thing. If she gets sick I start keeping records in case we end up at the hospital but day to day is not for us. She uses a freestyle and we download the meter to check for trends and problems etc. I know her HBA1C is going to suck this time. Too much change and turmoil. We are trying to get back to school but its not the same with Dad around. They are easily distracted.
Now above everything else I have to go back to work. I know that for many of you who are working mothers you may not understand this total stress and anxiety I have about this. It's just that I have not worked in 6 years and not since Carylanne was diagnosed. I am not going back for a sense of freedom or need for satisfaction. Its not the job I dreamed of getting when we returned to Florida. I had said if I have to work at least I can go to Disney where I will be happy at work. But Disney is too far away right now. When I chose this apartment I screwed up. Its a nice place but 40 miles away from Disney. I couldn't drive all that way right now. Plus gas prices are soaring. It is purely economical. I need to work nights. 6 pm and later. So I got a job at Wal-Mart. Less than 5 mns from the house. I wanted to be close "just in case" plus less traveling means less time away. I just hate the idea of not having my freedom and having to miss times with the girls that I should be there. I know I will have to work on holidays and other special occassions. I know I can't have them all off. I just will miss my family a whole lot and I'm not too sure about dad's patience with them while I am gone. I guess I have to hold my breath and pray for the best. I am so angry at the army for leaving him like this. OUr lives have changed so much and its kind of hard to swallow some days. All the rules have changed. I was suppsed to stay home and raise the girls. He would work. Sometimes I would think maybe I need to get a part-time job so I can feel like I make some money of my own. etc. But I never would have really ventured out and got one. Now that reality has hit and I have to work I hate the idea with a passion. I must say that the manger made the job sound pretty good and believe it or not they pay pretty well. Above minimum wage even. NOt bad benefits for part-timers but a job away from my family none-the-less. When I get some time I am going to write letters. One to our Congressman and one to a news show. They may not care. Maybe, hopefully they will care what our military services are doing to the veterans. We are not the only ones gettign the run-a-round.
Well time to try to get some much needed sleep. Another day dawns by 8.