Butterfly Kisses & Bedtime Prayers

"Butterfly Kisses after bedtime prayer. Stickn' little white flowers all up in her hair. Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right. To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night". *** For parents of children with diabetes and adults who are living with Type 1 diabetes. We are looking to share stories, ideas, concerns, and laughter.***

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Heigh-ho it's off to work I go but I am not one of the dwarfs!

I think I am at the breaking point of stress. Oh I thought the move and traveling was going to be tough. But it is nothing compared to starting a new life with 1.) a disabled husband and 2.) child with diabetes. Not to mention poor Christianne who must not be forgotten. First off and I must stress this highly THE ARMY DOES NOT MAKE ANY OF THIS EASY! that screamed into the dark night (and yet I still don't feel better). Dave got his last paycheck on March 1st. This was not his last day of pay mind you. Oh no, they take his last 12 days of work (he ETS'd on March 12), his 60 days leave they owe us, his severence pay and other misc entitlements and lump it all into one pay. But when will we actually see this cash??? The next full moon perhaps. Or maybe when Bush is out of office??? Haven't seen a dime yet. If it weren't for me getting our taxes done PDQ we'd have nothing to live off of. Then he is entitled to file unemployment. Great. One week waiting period but at least some money coming in while he looks for a job. (insert sarcasm here that will later be explained). We get a notice today that unemployment is right now denied until THE MILITARY GETS AROUND TO REPORTING HIS F'ING EARNINGS FROM THE QUARTER IN QUESTION! Yep that's right, they don't have to do things like everyone else. So we are told that it takes 14 days or more for the military to do their job once it's requested. So in the meantime we get nothing until they get off their royal keisters.

NOw the job quest. What can a man with no use of his right hand, a bad back (s0 bad he takes morphine) and walks with a cane do??? Every job either involves lifting, sorry can't do any of that, or use of your dominant hand. Oh boy the army doctors screwed that up, said a really heartfelt WHOOPSS and sent him on his way. Then there is trying to get the VA to actually fix some of the problem. You could light dynamite into the VA system and it still wouldn't move any faster!! I am not blaming individuals BUT we have run into some of the most indifferent, callous, misinforming individuals I have ever met. barring of course Army personnel. The old saying in the army is F' up move up! So here I wait for our travel reimbursement. Not like it didn't cost us $$$ to travel back to where the army took us from. Then the $$$ they army offered us to take the discharge and go away. It is meant for us to live on until they get off their asses and decide gee I think we better process this claim for pension some time before the person dies! He finally has an appointment with the Orthopedics specialist next week to talk about his hand. I am not getting my hopes up that this will be the doctor he needs to see to schedule his surgery. That would be too easy. I estimate it will take at least 2 more referrals to get him to someone that can try to repair the mess they made at Tripler. We've been told the repair may be removing the bones. This means way less movement but no more pain. I opt for this but Dave wants to try one more bone fusion. Not my call. Maybe after all that (which may take a year) they can look into any other treatments for his back. The military and consequently the VA take care of 1 thing at a time.

I am so stressed out. Stressed just doesn't describe it best though. I have just had enough. Carylanne's numbers have been all over the place this past month. I increased her basals and we are doing a bit better. She is in another growth spurt. We go to the new pediatrician next Friday. Then I have to get her in to a new endo. I hate starting over with new doctors. You never know how they are going to be. I am not the type that writes down every blessed thing. If she gets sick I start keeping records in case we end up at the hospital but day to day is not for us. She uses a freestyle and we download the meter to check for trends and problems etc. I know her HBA1C is going to suck this time. Too much change and turmoil. We are trying to get back to school but its not the same with Dad around. They are easily distracted.

Now above everything else I have to go back to work. I know that for many of you who are working mothers you may not understand this total stress and anxiety I have about this. It's just that I have not worked in 6 years and not since Carylanne was diagnosed. I am not going back for a sense of freedom or need for satisfaction. Its not the job I dreamed of getting when we returned to Florida. I had said if I have to work at least I can go to Disney where I will be happy at work. But Disney is too far away right now. When I chose this apartment I screwed up. Its a nice place but 40 miles away from Disney. I couldn't drive all that way right now. Plus gas prices are soaring. It is purely economical. I need to work nights. 6 pm and later. So I got a job at Wal-Mart. Less than 5 mns from the house. I wanted to be close "just in case" plus less traveling means less time away. I just hate the idea of not having my freedom and having to miss times with the girls that I should be there. I know I will have to work on holidays and other special occassions. I know I can't have them all off. I just will miss my family a whole lot and I'm not too sure about dad's patience with them while I am gone. I guess I have to hold my breath and pray for the best. I am so angry at the army for leaving him like this. OUr lives have changed so much and its kind of hard to swallow some days. All the rules have changed. I was suppsed to stay home and raise the girls. He would work. Sometimes I would think maybe I need to get a part-time job so I can feel like I make some money of my own. etc. But I never would have really ventured out and got one. Now that reality has hit and I have to work I hate the idea with a passion. I must say that the manger made the job sound pretty good and believe it or not they pay pretty well. Above minimum wage even. NOt bad benefits for part-timers but a job away from my family none-the-less. When I get some time I am going to write letters. One to our Congressman and one to a news show. They may not care. Maybe, hopefully they will care what our military services are doing to the veterans. We are not the only ones gettign the run-a-round.

Well time to try to get some much needed sleep. Another day dawns by 8.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I was tagged and didn't know it

Hey all. In looking back on posts etc from all my time on the road I found I was tagged back in Feb. So in sitting here having my Sangria I thought about all my 4 things. I will have to post my list but I think everyone else has already been tagged in my time off.

Anyway.....

4 jobs I have had:

Bank Teller: I was robbed at gun point. The robber watched too many tv dramas and took too many drugs. He came bursting in the bank at high noon, putting all the customers on the floor and jumped the teller counter. Truly terrifying. He was captured a week later when his girlfriend turned him in. Hard to explain spreading blue dye all over your body. Smart-guy took my dye pack and it exploded about 5 mins into his get-a-way.
Waitress: Not my best job. I once spilled a large glass of ice water onto a young guys crotch. OOO REFRESHING!!!
Sandwich maker: Ever wonder where those gas station sandwiches come from? I once worked in a warehouse making sandwiches for gas stations. Trust me they are not fit for human consumption!
CSR for Cox Cable: I worked for over 4 years as a customer service rep for cable tv. I once had a customer who was totally irate and rude. (Yeah actually I had a lot of these customers) This one in particular told me that I should be just happy he was a customer and that he paid my salary. Well that was the last straw. So I married him 3 months later. And he knows never to say that to anyone again as I haven't worked in years so HE DOES PAY MY SALARY!

4 movies I can watch over and over
I love THE BREAKFAST CLUB I can recite most of the dialogue and must have seen it about 100 times. Pirates of the Carribean-I just love watching Johnny Depp! STRIPES-Arrrmmy Training Sir! that's a fact jack! Disney Movies: I have most of them and watch them all frequently. I haven't found one I don't like. Winnie-the-Pooh is my favorite however.

4 places I have lived:
Honolulu Hawaii. In a dormant volcanic crater
Ft Polk, Leesville Louisiana
Ft Drum, Watertown, New York
Coventry Rhode Island

4 shows I love;
M*A*S*H I have always loved it. Who knew I would some day live it.
2 1/2 Men. I absolutely love this show. Does anyone remember the SQUAB episode
Blue Collar TV- We love Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall!
Ghost HUnters- I love shows about the paranormal. Weird fasination I guess! Better yet SCARIEST PLACES ON EARTH

4 places I've gone on vacation:
Disneyland/Disney World Our favorite all time place
Hawaii Volcano National Park.-Truly awesome! We stayed in a cabin right on the volcano of Kilauea. Also went to the top of Mauna Kea to the observatory. Just awesome!
Smokey Mountains Tenn: Dave and I went up in a helicoptor/ drove all though the mountains. Went down into a underground cave all the time I was feeling sicker and sicker. Who knew I was 7 weeks pregnant!
Washington DC: I love it here. We got to see all the monuments and even the White House before the tours were discontinued. Carylanne wanted to know if Abe Lincoln ate at the Hard Rock Cafe before going to the theatre.

4 favorite foods;

Lobster
Key Lime Cheesecake ( I have an awesome recipe)
French Meat Pie
Prime Rib

4 websites I visit every day

Superkids Math- This has math for the kids but links to some cool online games. I love playing spongebob when I can't sleep.
Projo.com I check up on happenings from my home state
Blogs from most of you
E-Bay (I love to browse for deals)

4 places I'd rather be right now
On a cruise
In Disney World ( I am so close and yet so far right now)
Europe
Can't dream too much about being somewhere else after I have already come so far. 6000 miles later I guess I am where I need to be.

Well I would love to tag someone but I think you have all been tagged. I think I will start another little list

Best childhood memory/Best memory you would like to give to your children (or future children)

My best childhood memory; The first that coems to mind.. Going out to lunch on Fridays just my mom and me. Sometimes my teacher would join us. I remember the little resturant by my mother's work and the hamburgers being so good. (I went to Cathoic School then and my mom worked at the church). It was my time with mom.

Memory I would like to give my daughters: I wouldn't want my daughters to only define their childhood by all the places we have gone or the toys they have. I hope they remember that where ever we were, we were together and that they were always loved. Some times in our lives we have had more to give them, more we could afford to do. But other times things were tough. But through it all we were together and loved them always. I hope that diabetes never clouds these memories of family time.

For this I would like to tag Carkisser/and Shannon of MOM WANTS A CURE!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Final day as SGT and Mrs Joubert

Well today is the last day of our military life!! Yesterday we were fortunate to go to Sea World courtesy of Budweiser. They are offering free admission for military and up to 3 dependants as a thank you. We had one last day to take advantage of the offer. It was fabulous and we had a great time.

Officially as of midnight, however, we are civilians. How cool! We got as cake for daddy that said "I'm Free!" We try to make light of the moment. It's a bittersweet moment. 18 1/2 years of serving and he is left diabled and trying to figure out what he can do for the rest of his working years. He was an electrical/ electronic engineer. He can no longer use tools in his right hand. He worked as a truck driver as well. But can no longer lift. Some days he can't lifet his leg up to the curb. He can't take caps off jars never mind use hand tools.

We are settling in little by little. Its been rough at times. We had to get a smaller apartment than we really need because we wanted to make sure of what we could afford. Well we are a close family. Good thing. We attemped going to the VA on Wednesday. We drove 2 1/2 hours to St Petersburg for basically nothing. He put his claim in in Hawaii and nothing has showed up yet. Until he is officially out (today) nothing really gets done. Even though he has been gone from the army for over a month He's been on terminal leave so it didn't count. Then Thursday we went to Orlando to the clinic so Dave could get his meds and find out about the surgery he needs. Yeah right. Forms to fill out and a we'll cal you to come in for a 2 hour class before we will issue you your medical card and assign you a doctor. THEN we find out unless they rate him at 100% we will get nothing in the form of benefits. Of course we will fight for 100%. Many days he can't even tie his own shoes because of his back and he can't do much with his right hand as they left him with it broken. Boy I have some letters to write this week. We were waiting until he as out because we have a lot to say to our congressman and we are naming names! So it's been a bit stressful to say the least. I feel bad because I know it is affecting the girls a lot. Their room is small and they can't play like they used to. I need to get school going this week and find the library etc. They need to go back to something resembling normal but I am not sure what that is anymore. We have to figure out jobs and such now. Dave did apply for a bus drivers job. Motor Coach for a big company. It wouldn't involve lifting so that is good. He will never make the money he used to but he is limited what he can do. Once the VA rates his disability which will take up to 8 months we will start to get money from them. But until then we will make due. At least this company he spoke to has good enefits. He already has his CDL lic. so he was told once he comes in the job would be his. I just pray they still feel that way when they find out he is a disabled vet.

Well so much for starting our new life. Its a bit scary some days. But there are SO many jobs here. Not big paying ones but lots and lots to choose from. I am hoping to go to Disney to apply once he knows what hours he will be working. Such a big change for the girls. I have always been home. They will have time to bond more with daddy while I work. NOw I have to get doctors established and get the girls feeliong at home again. They are so good with "rolling with it". Luckily they like it here. They like the area (it is really nice), and the weather is like Hawaii. Plus we took them to Sea World Sat. They loved that and knowing that they will get to go to these things more than most kids. Once we get all that is coming to us from the Army we can get annual passes to Disney. That will be loads of fun!Well I'm off for my glass of wine on my balcony. At least that dream had become reality. We have a beautiful water fountain in the lake behind the house. It is lit at night. I like to sit and listen to the wildlife. I heard baby alligators the other day. Pretty neat!